I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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