So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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