I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
my poor anus
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
