I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Randomize
