if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
