I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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