dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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