If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
