I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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