32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
