He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
