I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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