did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
