Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You are a genius and a whore.
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