it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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