I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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