so that wasnt chicken after all
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
