Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
