You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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