I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Come see our sink grown plant.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
