His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
