I wish I could teleport
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
