She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
