Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
