You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
