Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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