I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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