you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
All the doctor said was why
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
