You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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