So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
