I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
