Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Randomize
