hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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