Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
