dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
