it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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