Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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