i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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