I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
