If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
