I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
