if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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