DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
