He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
