So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
