my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
