i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
