just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
