I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
