im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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