Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
