I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
