i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
