i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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